Just Jim

by Author Unknown

Originally appearing in Bride's in Love issue 33 in 1962.

"You really taught me to ski,” admitted pretty Helen Randolph. "Until you came along I spent most of the ski time in the ski house around the fire and watching the big TV screen. Now I really think that by next year I will be able to handle the intermediate slope. Perhaps it is with a sigh that I accept the sad fact that there will be no more snow, and soon spring will lift her head up and visit us." 

Jim Garley looked at the pair of skis he had just blocked so that they would not warp while resting in the closet down in the basement of the Randolph home. He said nothing but slowly climbed the stairs until he was back in the large living room. Helen followed him and then told him the good news. 

"You never met my Aunt Josephine and Uncle Tom. A week from this Saturday night they are having a party, and we are both invited. You'll meet most of my family there and it is a bout time they saw you in person. I have told them all about you." 

All morning long Jim had been doing his best to figure out how to tell the news to Helen without hurting her. There were no words he could find that would conceal the fact that this was the end. He almost sighed a bit as he spoke. 

"I won't be able to go with you to the party on that Saturday night,” he finally said. 

It was as though a bolt of lightning had struck Helen. For she didn't as yet comprehend the significance of what he was leading up to. 

"You can't say that,” she retorted. “Nothing can be more important than this party. What can be more important than the two of us?”

For the moment Jim wished the floor under him would open up and that he could sink down into the ground. Helen was going to be hurt, and badly. He took her two hands in his and held them gently. 

"You are the finest girl I have ever met," he continued, "the kind of a girl that makes a fellow feel he wants to get married and raise a family, the kind of a girl that is the one in a million. You'll make some fellow the luckiest man in the world.” 

Then he stopped as the significance of what he had just said penetrated into Helen's consciousness. She shook her head as though she couldn't believe what her eyes had just heard. Then clutching for a straw as though she were drowning she hardly knew what she was saying. 

"Then you are saying you are the luckiest man in the world?"

"No,” came from his lips as he realized he would have to almost spell it out word for word, "about the saddest in the world. It isn't easy for me to tell this to you. I think the world of you. But it has to come to an end. And this is it.” 

The tears came into her eyes as she now knew what he meant. Her heart protested. He still held her two hands as gently as ever. 

"Oh, no! You can't mean it. Why?"

"Because I want to be honest with you, Helen," he explained. "I'm not just ready as yet to give up my freedom. I love the world of sports. I go where I want and when I want. I can always make a living during the winter with any ski place. And in the summer it is either the country club or a beach where I will spend my time and make my money. And when I need some extra cash then I write sports articles. You know I have a small grant from the estate of my late aunt So from a financial point of view I will always manage to get along. I tell you this because I want you to know it isn't you. It is me. This is the way I am." 

How does a girl think clearly when her heart is being broken? It is something almost impossible to do. 

“But if you really loved me,” she half pleaded, "we would be married. Whatever it is you, want to do I will do it with you; share your joy and your woes, live on a dime or a million. Your way of life would be my way. This is what a girl does when she really loves a man. You know how I love you, Jim." 

"I do," he said softly. "And I love you so much. More than I have ever loved any other girl before. In leaving you I know that I will never meet another girl like you again. But this is the way I am. I must live my life as I see it. And I don't want to hurt anybody. So it must be quits now.”

Slowly but firmly, Helen withdrew her two hands from his. He hesitated a minute as whether or not to kiss her farewell. He did kiss her forehead, for somehow he felt he just couldn't press her lips to his. He might weaken and that was the last thing in the world he wanted to do. Then he turned around and walked out of the living room and out of the house. She cried and cried and that was the way her mother found her. Sobbing she told her mother everything that had happened. 

"What did I do to deserve this?” she asked. 

"Nothing," said her mother gently. "This is the way of life. "You must give Jim credit for he was honest with you. He saw how much you were falling in love with him. What else can I say? This is the way of some men. They are afraid of being married with all the responsibilities attached to it. They want to be bachelors the rest of their lives. They call it being free and fail to see that it is a peculiar kind of slavery, with the fine things of life not in their grasp.” 

Helen stopped crying. She hadn't just expected this kind of a reaction from her mother. She thought her mother would condemn Jim as about the lowest thing on the face of this Earth.

“Are you taking his part?" she finally managed to say. 

"Nobody's part,” continued her mother. "Just doing my best to understand life and people. And then again, you see I went through it. There is something I never told you about your father. You know he died a hero in the war. He received the highest military decoration our country can give. The house we live in was a gift from the people of this town to me to honor your father's memory. Well, you might as well know the truth... 

"Once your father was a coward. It happened in Kansas City. We were to be married on a Sunday. He didn't show up at the church. I thought an accident had happened to him. When I went to his boarding house I found him packing his things. He wanted to run away. He was scared stiff at the last moment. We were married a month later. And until his death every moment was filled with happiness and understanding. A man must work out this problem with himself. There is nothing you or I can do about it.”

Helen raised her head high. She did the best to force a little smile on her face. 

"It's going to be a long time before I forget Jim, if I ever do. And I guess there will be times when I will get lost in the land of what might-have-been. I'm going upstairs to my room. I won't sleep but the rest will help a bit.” 

The luminous dial on the watch on the dresser showed it was almost one thirty in the morning. The door to her room opened and she heard her mother speak. 

"Dress and come down at once. Do as I say and ask no questions.” 

Five minutes later she faced a tired and haggard looking Jim in the living room. 

"Can you ever forgive me?” he pleaded. "For what?" she snapped back. 

"For being such a big fool," he said. “Who was I fooling? If a man really loves a girl he marries her. He isn't afraid of being married and the things that happen he takes in his stride. He sells himself a bill of goods when he says he wants to be a bachelor and have his freedom. So right now and here I am proposing to you. Will you marry this blockhead?” 

She was in his arms again and this time their lips met. She cried but these were tears of joy. Funny how women are. Looks as though some of them will cry at anything whether they be happy or sad. Then they sat down on that big sofa and her head was on his shoulder. She felt extremely happy. It was at six in the morning that her mother came into the living room. 

"I'm making breakfast for the two of you." 

And so over the breakfast table they talked about plans for the future. 

"I'll take the job with the beach club for the summer teaching swimming and helping with the pool.” 

"And I'll take care of the beginners in the pool," she added. 

"And in the winter back to the same ski place," he continued. 

"And I will help with the ski rentals at the place,” she said. 

So they kissed again and her mother who was watching them sighed gently. Sometime all's well that doesn't begin so well, but does end so well. 

END